Robert Englund as a wisecracking, supernatural killer? It'll never work.
50 Plus 10: Horror Movie Survival Tips
And if you enjoy the reviews, you might just enjoy my book:
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Disturbingly Cheap Reviews: InKubus
Robert Englund as a wisecracking, supernatural killer? It'll never work.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Road to Bali
Friday, April 20, 2012
Disturbingly Cheap Reviews: Beneath the Darkness
Dennis Quaid is crazy...also, he plays a crazy mortician.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Disturbingly Cheap Reviews: Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
Two Redneck friends find that first impressions can lead to last gasps in this horror send-up of the "Cabin" subgenre of horror films.
Spoiler: It's good.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Five Minutes to Live
A man posing as a guitar teacher, knocks on one door in order to take the local bank manager's wife hostage while his cohort robs said bank. Johnny Cash plays the fake guitar teacher slash villain. Also, Ron Howard is the woman's son.
That means at one point, we have Opie and Johnny Cash sharing the screen. Seriously.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
DC Reviews: 3 Musketeers
Added this a couple days ago and forgot to add it to the blog.
My apologies. My head is crammed with various life stuff.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla
A legendary horrible film with a horror film legend. I know I posted it...but don't watch this.
Trust me.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Where are the Reviews? A Moral Dilemma
Hi all,
I apologize for the complete lack of updating this page along with my reviews over on MultiMediaMouth.com (a wonderful site, if you've never checked it out). To be blunt and too the point, I've been questioning my work lately.
Disturbingly Cheap Reviews was my idea of doing an audio review and giving something for the listener to watch if they felt like it. I enjoyed the idea of being a reviewer and the Direct-To-DVD films made it easier for me to find fun material. I mean, it is very rare that you get a big screen film on the level of Bear...but I'm rambling.
I used to watch large amounts of "That Guy with the Glasses" a year or so ago and enjoyed their brand of videos. However, after a while, I stopped seeing them as reviews. Sure, they were finding new and inventive ways to say "This sucks" throughout their videos, but they were also recapping the entire film, which removes most of the reason to actually track down a film. This is a roundabout way of me saying that my reviews are on hold because I'm wondering if I should discontinue the "Spoilers" section of it.
In other words, why am I bothering to inform you about a movie, if I'm just going to blurt out the ending like some inconsiderate Uncle (Hi, Bill). At times, perhaps I'm leaning too much on the Spoilers section when I should just tighten up the actual review. Then again, since I warn of the spoilers, is it that bad? I don't really know.
So...I wanted to let you know why my reviews are delayed. I have two recorded, one edited, and I'm working on 'art' now, so I plan on having one by the end of this month.
In the end, I'll make a choice. It's a new year and I can find a new way to review. I hope to bring all (6?) of you the best I can. Any feedback is appreciated.
Thank you for your time and understanding.
Shawn DC.
I apologize for the complete lack of updating this page along with my reviews over on MultiMediaMouth.com (a wonderful site, if you've never checked it out). To be blunt and too the point, I've been questioning my work lately.
Disturbingly Cheap Reviews was my idea of doing an audio review and giving something for the listener to watch if they felt like it. I enjoyed the idea of being a reviewer and the Direct-To-DVD films made it easier for me to find fun material. I mean, it is very rare that you get a big screen film on the level of Bear...but I'm rambling.
I used to watch large amounts of "That Guy with the Glasses" a year or so ago and enjoyed their brand of videos. However, after a while, I stopped seeing them as reviews. Sure, they were finding new and inventive ways to say "This sucks" throughout their videos, but they were also recapping the entire film, which removes most of the reason to actually track down a film. This is a roundabout way of me saying that my reviews are on hold because I'm wondering if I should discontinue the "Spoilers" section of it.
In other words, why am I bothering to inform you about a movie, if I'm just going to blurt out the ending like some inconsiderate Uncle (Hi, Bill). At times, perhaps I'm leaning too much on the Spoilers section when I should just tighten up the actual review. Then again, since I warn of the spoilers, is it that bad? I don't really know.
So...I wanted to let you know why my reviews are delayed. I have two recorded, one edited, and I'm working on 'art' now, so I plan on having one by the end of this month.
In the end, I'll make a choice. It's a new year and I can find a new way to review. I hope to bring all (6?) of you the best I can. Any feedback is appreciated.
Thank you for your time and understanding.
Shawn DC.
Friday, December 30, 2011
The Saddest End of the Year Lists You'll Ever See
So...I decided to do some end of the year lists like other people on the internet and found out just how cheap/resistant to going out I am.
TOP TEN 2011 MOVIES VIEWED IN THEATERS
1. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
2. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. N/A
TOP TEN 2011 VIDEO GAMES PLAYED
1. Batman: Arkham City
2. WWE All Stars
3. Mortal Kombat
4. Back to the Future: Episode 1 (Received for Free; Not the Entire Game)
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. N/A
Fun Fact: I won Dead Space 2 in a contest and never played it.
TOP TEN DEBUTING TV SHOWS I WATCHED REGULARLY
1. N/A
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. The Exes
TOP TEN 2011 BOOKS READ
1. Cowboys and Aliens: A Movie Novelization
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A.
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. N/A
...So...yeah. I'm looking forward to 2012, aren't you?
TOP TEN 2011 MOVIES VIEWED IN THEATERS
1. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
2. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. N/A
TOP TEN 2011 VIDEO GAMES PLAYED
1. Batman: Arkham City
2. WWE All Stars
3. Mortal Kombat
4. Back to the Future: Episode 1 (Received for Free; Not the Entire Game)
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. N/A
Fun Fact: I won Dead Space 2 in a contest and never played it.
TOP TEN DEBUTING TV SHOWS I WATCHED REGULARLY
1. N/A
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. The Exes
TOP TEN 2011 BOOKS READ
1. Cowboys and Aliens: A Movie Novelization
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A.
5. N/A
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. N/A
...So...yeah. I'm looking forward to 2012, aren't you?
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes
With a new, modern, ridiculously flashy Sherlock Holmes movie on the way...here's an old fashion Public Domain Holmes.
Give it a shot if you're a fan of mysteries.
Give it a shot if you're a fan of mysteries.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
The Lost Reviews: Paranoia
So, while doing Disturbingly Cheap Reviews, there have been times that I've watched a film, came up with a script, but not gone through with the actual review. Of course, there is also times I gave up midway through the movie, figuring that if all else fails, I can just pick up a Cuba Gooding Jr. movie.
Therefore, I will occasionally text review "The Lost Reviews" in order for them to find a place on the site. First off, The Cinema Snob's (AKA Brad Jones) latest film Paranoia. Feel free to ignore all reasonings and skip down to the next time that title appears for the actual review.
Why didn't I DC Review it? There are a few reasons.
1. It's a film that is reaching only a niche audience.
2. I didn't purchase/rent the film, instead borrowing it from a dedicated fan. I guess I felt dirty. I'm the Disturbingly Cheap reviewer, not the "Absolutely Free" reviewer. Dumb? I know.
3. Cause I forgot about the script I wrote about it and found it two months later and figured "Oh well."
And now...the actual review:
PARANOIA
Welcome to Disturbingly Cheap Reviews. This week, we double check the locked doors and look under the beds with the low-budget indy-thriller Paranoia.
The plot follows Mark Bishop whose wife has literally just left him. As he mopes, the television tells of a serial killer on the loose and there is a knock at his door. Assuming it's his wife coming back for her forgotten purse, he opens it to find a large man who promptly collapses. A check for a wallet instead finds a bullet wound and a gun. And things only get worse from there.
This is probably the lowest budgeted film I've ever reviewed, knocking off The Maze for that spot. Obviously this leads to issues you wouldn't expect from much larger productions. Acting can be very spotty at time and the occasional effects that can confuse. Maybe it's just me, but a scene where someone covers up blood on the floor with ketchup appeared odd and left me wondering if there was something wrong with the ketchup...which I'm guessing wasn't the point.
The movie has a very interesting story, following Bishop as he tries to figure out just what is going on while attempting to avoid any and all trouble he might get into. Twists upon twists appear with unique ideas presented that may remind someone slightly of the Twilight Zone. However, the ending suffers from being overly wordy for the most part, commonly repeating the twist to the point that I found myself nodding and encouraging it to move on.
Grade: C-.
It works on a basic scale but goes off the rails a bit at the end which will throw some viewers. It's far from the best thing you'll see, even if you scrounge around the no budget films but if you're willing to stick out a few rough spots, you may find yourself enjoying it.
And if you're a Brad Jones fan...then this review doesn't mean a single darn thing.
So until next time, install a peep hole so you don't open your door to a guy who is obviously not your wife.
Therefore, I will occasionally text review "The Lost Reviews" in order for them to find a place on the site. First off, The Cinema Snob's (AKA Brad Jones) latest film Paranoia. Feel free to ignore all reasonings and skip down to the next time that title appears for the actual review.
Why didn't I DC Review it? There are a few reasons.
1. It's a film that is reaching only a niche audience.
2. I didn't purchase/rent the film, instead borrowing it from a dedicated fan. I guess I felt dirty. I'm the Disturbingly Cheap reviewer, not the "Absolutely Free" reviewer. Dumb? I know.
3. Cause I forgot about the script I wrote about it and found it two months later and figured "Oh well."
And now...the actual review:
PARANOIA
Welcome to Disturbingly Cheap Reviews. This week, we double check the locked doors and look under the beds with the low-budget indy-thriller Paranoia.
The plot follows Mark Bishop whose wife has literally just left him. As he mopes, the television tells of a serial killer on the loose and there is a knock at his door. Assuming it's his wife coming back for her forgotten purse, he opens it to find a large man who promptly collapses. A check for a wallet instead finds a bullet wound and a gun. And things only get worse from there.
This is probably the lowest budgeted film I've ever reviewed, knocking off The Maze for that spot. Obviously this leads to issues you wouldn't expect from much larger productions. Acting can be very spotty at time and the occasional effects that can confuse. Maybe it's just me, but a scene where someone covers up blood on the floor with ketchup appeared odd and left me wondering if there was something wrong with the ketchup...which I'm guessing wasn't the point.
The movie has a very interesting story, following Bishop as he tries to figure out just what is going on while attempting to avoid any and all trouble he might get into. Twists upon twists appear with unique ideas presented that may remind someone slightly of the Twilight Zone. However, the ending suffers from being overly wordy for the most part, commonly repeating the twist to the point that I found myself nodding and encouraging it to move on.
Grade: C-.
It works on a basic scale but goes off the rails a bit at the end which will throw some viewers. It's far from the best thing you'll see, even if you scrounge around the no budget films but if you're willing to stick out a few rough spots, you may find yourself enjoying it.
And if you're a Brad Jones fan...then this review doesn't mean a single darn thing.
So until next time, install a peep hole so you don't open your door to a guy who is obviously not your wife.
Hey Shawn, Where you been?!
Hi all....five of you.
You may have noticed that I haven't been updating for a while. Well, to go into some detail, life has been extra rushed lately.
I already work over 70 hours a week with my part time jobs, usually using my breaks between work for review time. Those hours have been filled by a combination of family members going in and out of the hospital and requiring extra help, preparation for the holidays, and lack of free space to do recordings without feeling like I'm annoying those I share my home with. Also, a slight burnout, I suppose.
But, fear not you enjoyers of Disturbingly Cheap Reviews, The Seemingly Abandoned Entering the Public Domain, and Random Text Reviews and Rants, I do plan on getting back to work very, very soon (hopefully having a new review by the end of the week...Hopefully).
What I'm mainly focused on is getting more active next year with more projects than just DC Reviews to avoid repetition burnout.
Thank you for your patience and I wish you a good day.
Shawn DC
No1ThatSpecial
You may have noticed that I haven't been updating for a while. Well, to go into some detail, life has been extra rushed lately.
I already work over 70 hours a week with my part time jobs, usually using my breaks between work for review time. Those hours have been filled by a combination of family members going in and out of the hospital and requiring extra help, preparation for the holidays, and lack of free space to do recordings without feeling like I'm annoying those I share my home with. Also, a slight burnout, I suppose.
But, fear not you enjoyers of Disturbingly Cheap Reviews, The Seemingly Abandoned Entering the Public Domain, and Random Text Reviews and Rants, I do plan on getting back to work very, very soon (hopefully having a new review by the end of the week...Hopefully).
What I'm mainly focused on is getting more active next year with more projects than just DC Reviews to avoid repetition burnout.
Thank you for your patience and I wish you a good day.
Shawn DC
No1ThatSpecial
Monday, November 14, 2011
DC Reviews: A Haunting in Salem
Realizing that I can't get Blip to auto-add my videos to the blog, here's the latest review:
The Asylum presents a haunted house movie featuring a witch-ghost. Can you (or I) stand it?!
The Asylum presents a haunted house movie featuring a witch-ghost. Can you (or I) stand it?!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
DC Reviews: Wrong Turn 4 - Bloody Beginnings
A prequel...to Wrong Turn. Completely necessary. Ever wanted to hear me get to a near whine over a movie? Here you go.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween!
SILVER SHAMROCK!
I've been preparing for the hour and a half regulated Trick 'r Treating that the town council so humbling allowed and would like to fill in a couple blank spots on my Horror-a-Day Reviews.
Day 26
Movie: Halloween 3
Recap: SILVER SHAMROCK! The infamous Michael-less Halloween film that revolves around an evil mask maker with a stolen piece of Stonehenge looking to kill kids with his evil masks. It's ridiculous, it's preposterous, it's a darn fun watch every time. Not for everyone, but definitely for me.
Grade: B. It's good fun as long as you're not expecting Michael Myers. Pure enjoyable cheese.
Day 27
Movie: The Hills Have Eyes
Recap: I revisited the original Wes Craven film of a vacationing family tortured and attacked by a band of mutants. The film that helped launch B-Movie Legend Michael Berryman's career. Still as gritty as it was before. And one of the horror films where the most likable character is the dog. Go Beast.
Grade: B+. Wes Craven used to have it...now he has Scream 4.
Day 28
Movie: Vacancy
Recap: I originally planned to watch 28 Days Later for the sheer pun of it...but I didn't. So instead, we follow the unlikable couple of Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale as their car breaks down. Left with few options they walk to a nearby hotel and soon discover that it those in charge enjoy filming the rooms. No, not to catch the couples making love, but to catch all the footage of when they break in and kill them. Not wanting to die and all, Luke and Kate look to escape. It's trying to be a thriller in lines of Alfred Hitchcock but misses the mark at times.
Grade: B-. Worthy of a view if it sounds interesting, but don't expect to be blown away.
I've been preparing for the hour and a half regulated Trick 'r Treating that the town council so humbling allowed and would like to fill in a couple blank spots on my Horror-a-Day Reviews.
Day 26
Movie: Halloween 3
Recap: SILVER SHAMROCK! The infamous Michael-less Halloween film that revolves around an evil mask maker with a stolen piece of Stonehenge looking to kill kids with his evil masks. It's ridiculous, it's preposterous, it's a darn fun watch every time. Not for everyone, but definitely for me.
Grade: B. It's good fun as long as you're not expecting Michael Myers. Pure enjoyable cheese.
Day 27
Movie: The Hills Have Eyes
Recap: I revisited the original Wes Craven film of a vacationing family tortured and attacked by a band of mutants. The film that helped launch B-Movie Legend Michael Berryman's career. Still as gritty as it was before. And one of the horror films where the most likable character is the dog. Go Beast.
Grade: B+. Wes Craven used to have it...now he has Scream 4.
Day 28
Movie: Vacancy
Recap: I originally planned to watch 28 Days Later for the sheer pun of it...but I didn't. So instead, we follow the unlikable couple of Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale as their car breaks down. Left with few options they walk to a nearby hotel and soon discover that it those in charge enjoy filming the rooms. No, not to catch the couples making love, but to catch all the footage of when they break in and kill them. Not wanting to die and all, Luke and Kate look to escape. It's trying to be a thriller in lines of Alfred Hitchcock but misses the mark at times.
Grade: B-. Worthy of a view if it sounds interesting, but don't expect to be blown away.
Friday, October 28, 2011
DC Reviews: Hellraiser Revelations
Hellraiser Direct to DVD sequel that will baffle you with its existence until I whine about it in the video above this...or if you look it up somewhere else.
Day 29. Yeah, I know. I'm 26, 27, and 28 behind.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
DC Reviews: The Howling - Reborn
Because if anything needed a reboot, it was The Howling. And the best way to do that reboot was to rip-off a current fad that involves sparkling vampires...but leave out the vampires.
Also, Day 25 review
Monday, October 24, 2011
Horror-a-Day Catch-up Post-Extravaganza Jr.
10/15
Movie: Tales From the Darkside: The Movie
Recap: Anthology film consisting of three stories told by a child trying to delay a witch from preparing him for a dinner.
"Lot 249" stars Steve Buscemi as a pesky nerd who imports an Egyptian Mummy in order to get revenge on a group of people including Christian Slater. It's quirky and has some good moments (especially with Slater's battle with the mummy) with a hit-or-miss ending.
"Cat From Hell" consists of an older man hiring a hitman to eliminate the title animal. It does not go as easily as the hitman expects. This one's ending is a head tilt-er. Not for a twist, just for the way the final hitman vs. cat confrontation goes.
"Lover's Vow" A man sees a gargoyle creature killing someone. It makes him promise to not tell, vowing to come back and kill him if he spills the beans towards its existence. The man soon finds true love and, over the years, debates on whether to share the information with her. It's...kind of dumb, in all honesty.
"Epilogue." The story connecting the anthology tales ends cute enough.
I'd recommend Tales From the Darkside: The Movie for at least one viewing.
Grade: B-
10/16
Movie: Lake Placid
Recap: A Horror-Comedy dealing around a select group of unique characters dealing with the sudden discovery of a 30-foot, man-chomping crocodile in Maine.
This film really clicked for me. It's got a good feel of a comedy with dashes of effective horror and a jumpscare that was actually enjoyable instead of eye-rolling. Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda play the "Duo that is Destined to Fall in Love" over the film very well. Meanwhile, the movie throws in a buddy duo of Oliver Platt and Brendan Gleeson as a wacky animal hunter and local 'hick' sheriff. Betty White plays a small role of a dirty mouthed local that is rather amusing.
So, yes, I'd say the characters really make this one with the croc only being a part of the ideal...which is probably why the direct-to-SyFy sequels were dreadful beyond compare.
I'd definitely recommend it.
Grade: B+
10/17
Movie: From Dusk Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money
Recap: Vampires robbing a bank. This film typically gets mis-advertised. The TV blurb for it says it follows "Bank Robbers who stumble upon a bar full of vampires" when in reality, only one of the robbers does so, gets bit, and then goes back to his group to push for the robbery to be at night. Also, the description says the film stars Bruce Campbell and Tiffany Thiessen who are barely in the film for a minute. (Actually, on some old VHS covers, the movie claims Thiessen is the Queen Vampire which is downright ridiculous).
Needless off-side banter aside, this film is a profane thrill ride of goofy. Robert Patrick is downright awesome throughout, even if the film seems to just run out of ideas near the end. There are amusing parts and some fun lines, but the movie iss lacking in some areas. It's definitely a step down from the original, but it's not horrible.
Also, I enjoyed the brief Danny Trejo cameo because...well...Danny Trejo.
Give it a watch if you have spare time and it's on TV.
Grade: C+
10/18
Movie: Code Red -- The Rubicon Conspiracy
Recap: Made-for-TV Predator rip-off. This films hits all the typical scenes you'd expect and is very by-the-numbers. Sadly,that also means it is a bland film that isn't really worthy of a view.
There is one unique moment, as the leftover group finds a bunker and has to try and hack into a 1960s computer, complete with dumb references abound.
Only if you're a big Predator fan do I recommend this one.
Grade: D+
10/19
Movie: Abominable
Recap: Rear Window with a Sasquatch. An injured man lives in a cabin deep in the woods. However, there is another one near by and a group of vacationing girls move in just as the local giant Abominable Snowman decides to pick up some humans for a snack.
This one works in spots, but the ending is a dull cliche that takes away from other parts. Lance Henriksen is in the film and brings his usual ability to a small role but he's not around long enough to consider a full-fledged recommendation.
If you see it on SyFy, it's not too bad.
Grade: C
10/20
Movie: The Dentist
Recap: A dentist goes crazy after discovering his wife's infidelity and garners revenge the best way he knows how. If you hate the dentist, this film won't help you. If you hate violence to teeth...this film won't help you. Corbin Bernsen is great as the flipping out dentist and is intimidating when having 'clients' prepared for surgery.
The teeth violence seems rather real and even made me a bit squeamish. Among all this, however, is some kind of awkward dark humor. Not sure it really works all the time.
If you think you can stand it, try it. You've got nothing to lose...except a molar or two.
Grade: C+
10/21
Movie: Route 666
Recap: Ghost Chain Gang Workers pound the pavement with the flesh of those dumb enough to stay on the road. Lou Diamond Phillips and Lori Petty star in this film and work well off each other for the most part.
I think the main issue is that the writer was trying way too hard. Consider when dialogue like this exists:
"I don't care if you're ****ing Santa Claus!"
"Well, hopefully Mrs. Claus is the only one doing that."
It's not a good film, but if you're a LDP fan, you should be good to go. It's a fun b-movie at the very least.
Grade: C
10/22
Movie: Deep Rising
Recap: Horror Comedy Action film where a boatload of mercs and an unlucky ship owner end up battling against giant evil CGI sea worms. Treat Williams is a lot of fun in this Steven Sommers film.
There is a decent mixture of action and comedy to match the tension built horror parts. In all honesty, this thing was more action than horror, but I still enjoyed it.
Not recommended for Halloween viewing, but worth a view down the road.
Grade: B
10/23
Movie: Friday the 13th (Remake)
Recap: It's Jason Voorhees and he's got a very cliche set-up that the makers were hoping you'd enjoy. This is all about rebooting the franchise with a quicker, smarter Jason who apparently is really good at running around tunnels.
This movie tries really hard to capture the 'aura' of the earlier films while throwing all the nostalgic stuff they could at the camera. Jason with a machete? Yep. Jason finds his hockey mask? You betcha. Nudity? Very much so. Even more nudity? Of course? A sex scene that goes on so long you begin to wonder if the film qualifies as part softcore? Duh.
It didn't click with me, but it might with others. I might have just advanced past the point where a new "Friday" movie entertains me.
Grade: C-
10/24
Movie: FearDotCom
Recap: A ghost who apparently rented The Ring has a website that will kill you in two days unless you can win a game or some such nonsense. This film is just a mess from start to finish.
Nothing really likable about anyone in it. Nothing really intersting about the plot. Nothing intimidating about the serial killer. Nothing spooky about the ghost or its tactics.
So, to summarize: Nothing really worth watching.
Grade: F
Movie: Tales From the Darkside: The Movie
Recap: Anthology film consisting of three stories told by a child trying to delay a witch from preparing him for a dinner.
"Lot 249" stars Steve Buscemi as a pesky nerd who imports an Egyptian Mummy in order to get revenge on a group of people including Christian Slater. It's quirky and has some good moments (especially with Slater's battle with the mummy) with a hit-or-miss ending.
"Cat From Hell" consists of an older man hiring a hitman to eliminate the title animal. It does not go as easily as the hitman expects. This one's ending is a head tilt-er. Not for a twist, just for the way the final hitman vs. cat confrontation goes.
"Lover's Vow" A man sees a gargoyle creature killing someone. It makes him promise to not tell, vowing to come back and kill him if he spills the beans towards its existence. The man soon finds true love and, over the years, debates on whether to share the information with her. It's...kind of dumb, in all honesty.
"Epilogue." The story connecting the anthology tales ends cute enough.
I'd recommend Tales From the Darkside: The Movie for at least one viewing.
Grade: B-
10/16
Movie: Lake Placid
Recap: A Horror-Comedy dealing around a select group of unique characters dealing with the sudden discovery of a 30-foot, man-chomping crocodile in Maine.
This film really clicked for me. It's got a good feel of a comedy with dashes of effective horror and a jumpscare that was actually enjoyable instead of eye-rolling. Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda play the "Duo that is Destined to Fall in Love" over the film very well. Meanwhile, the movie throws in a buddy duo of Oliver Platt and Brendan Gleeson as a wacky animal hunter and local 'hick' sheriff. Betty White plays a small role of a dirty mouthed local that is rather amusing.
So, yes, I'd say the characters really make this one with the croc only being a part of the ideal...which is probably why the direct-to-SyFy sequels were dreadful beyond compare.
I'd definitely recommend it.
Grade: B+
10/17
Movie: From Dusk Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money
Recap: Vampires robbing a bank. This film typically gets mis-advertised. The TV blurb for it says it follows "Bank Robbers who stumble upon a bar full of vampires" when in reality, only one of the robbers does so, gets bit, and then goes back to his group to push for the robbery to be at night. Also, the description says the film stars Bruce Campbell and Tiffany Thiessen who are barely in the film for a minute. (Actually, on some old VHS covers, the movie claims Thiessen is the Queen Vampire which is downright ridiculous).
Needless off-side banter aside, this film is a profane thrill ride of goofy. Robert Patrick is downright awesome throughout, even if the film seems to just run out of ideas near the end. There are amusing parts and some fun lines, but the movie iss lacking in some areas. It's definitely a step down from the original, but it's not horrible.
Also, I enjoyed the brief Danny Trejo cameo because...well...Danny Trejo.
Give it a watch if you have spare time and it's on TV.
Grade: C+
10/18
Movie: Code Red -- The Rubicon Conspiracy
Recap: Made-for-TV Predator rip-off. This films hits all the typical scenes you'd expect and is very by-the-numbers. Sadly,that also means it is a bland film that isn't really worthy of a view.
There is one unique moment, as the leftover group finds a bunker and has to try and hack into a 1960s computer, complete with dumb references abound.
Only if you're a big Predator fan do I recommend this one.
Grade: D+
10/19
Movie: Abominable
Recap: Rear Window with a Sasquatch. An injured man lives in a cabin deep in the woods. However, there is another one near by and a group of vacationing girls move in just as the local giant Abominable Snowman decides to pick up some humans for a snack.
This one works in spots, but the ending is a dull cliche that takes away from other parts. Lance Henriksen is in the film and brings his usual ability to a small role but he's not around long enough to consider a full-fledged recommendation.
If you see it on SyFy, it's not too bad.
Grade: C
10/20
Movie: The Dentist
Recap: A dentist goes crazy after discovering his wife's infidelity and garners revenge the best way he knows how. If you hate the dentist, this film won't help you. If you hate violence to teeth...this film won't help you. Corbin Bernsen is great as the flipping out dentist and is intimidating when having 'clients' prepared for surgery.
The teeth violence seems rather real and even made me a bit squeamish. Among all this, however, is some kind of awkward dark humor. Not sure it really works all the time.
If you think you can stand it, try it. You've got nothing to lose...except a molar or two.
Grade: C+
10/21
Movie: Route 666
Recap: Ghost Chain Gang Workers pound the pavement with the flesh of those dumb enough to stay on the road. Lou Diamond Phillips and Lori Petty star in this film and work well off each other for the most part.
I think the main issue is that the writer was trying way too hard. Consider when dialogue like this exists:
"I don't care if you're ****ing Santa Claus!"
"Well, hopefully Mrs. Claus is the only one doing that."
It's not a good film, but if you're a LDP fan, you should be good to go. It's a fun b-movie at the very least.
Grade: C
10/22
Movie: Deep Rising
Recap: Horror Comedy Action film where a boatload of mercs and an unlucky ship owner end up battling against giant evil CGI sea worms. Treat Williams is a lot of fun in this Steven Sommers film.
There is a decent mixture of action and comedy to match the tension built horror parts. In all honesty, this thing was more action than horror, but I still enjoyed it.
Not recommended for Halloween viewing, but worth a view down the road.
Grade: B
10/23
Movie: Friday the 13th (Remake)
Recap: It's Jason Voorhees and he's got a very cliche set-up that the makers were hoping you'd enjoy. This is all about rebooting the franchise with a quicker, smarter Jason who apparently is really good at running around tunnels.
This movie tries really hard to capture the 'aura' of the earlier films while throwing all the nostalgic stuff they could at the camera. Jason with a machete? Yep. Jason finds his hockey mask? You betcha. Nudity? Very much so. Even more nudity? Of course? A sex scene that goes on so long you begin to wonder if the film qualifies as part softcore? Duh.
It didn't click with me, but it might with others. I might have just advanced past the point where a new "Friday" movie entertains me.
Grade: C-
10/24
Movie: FearDotCom
Recap: A ghost who apparently rented The Ring has a website that will kill you in two days unless you can win a game or some such nonsense. This film is just a mess from start to finish.
Nothing really likable about anyone in it. Nothing really intersting about the plot. Nothing intimidating about the serial killer. Nothing spooky about the ghost or its tactics.
So, to summarize: Nothing really worth watching.
Grade: F
Friday, October 14, 2011
31 Days of Halloween: Day 14
Cheating again. Here's Siskel and Ebert's review of Prince of Darkness.
And I completely disagree with both men on this one. Darkness is another John Carpenter cult classic that managed to hold my attention the entire time. The cast works well and the story is well built.
However, it hasn't aged very well which may not please some viewers. Consider that my warning to you. :)
Grade: B
Using other reviews as starting points are great. No wonder that kid from that one Sean Connery movie used the start of one of his essays...Finding Forester, that's it!
And I completely disagree with both men on this one. Darkness is another John Carpenter cult classic that managed to hold my attention the entire time. The cast works well and the story is well built.
However, it hasn't aged very well which may not please some viewers. Consider that my warning to you. :)
Grade: B
Using other reviews as starting points are great. No wonder that kid from that one Sean Connery movie used the start of one of his essays...Finding Forester, that's it!
Horrors of Spider Island...an MST3k-less production
Public Domain. If you've seen the MST3k ep, see how many jokes return to your mind :)
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