DC Reviews: The Resident

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Hammer Horror's return. Does it go as expected or should they have stayed in the dark a little longer?

Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episodes 1 & 2 Summary/Opinion

I've enjoyed Mortal Kombat and hearing of this new series was very interesting. I may do this videos for the rest, but even if I don't...at least I did this time? I don't know, I wanted to do something different without too much visual tomfoolery and this was it. Hope you enjoy.

DC Reviews: Hyenas

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Shapeshifting were--um--Hyenas. At least they tried something new. Apologies for some audio errors. I'm momentarily working with an older microphone and ended up having to do some creative edits to get the right message across in some points.

DC Reviews: Battle of Los Angeles

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My first Asylum Mockbuster. I'm so proud. Also, it was good to see that Kel Mitchell is still around and getting work.

5 Word Reviews

Some early attempts I did and felt like sharing. The first video is the actual first video I made once purchasing my penny microphone. I don't sound nervous or unsure at all (as if I don't sound that way now...)

Hope you enjoy if you take the time to watch.

DC Reviews: Battle of Los Angeles

Los Angeles! Aliens! Samurai Sword! Kel Mitchell! The Asylum! HUZZAH!

Sorry. Blip didn't add this one automatically like usual so it gets the manual upload.

Random Thoughts: Nightmare on Elm Street Remake

I posted this on an older blog I used to use before this one. Stumbled upon it and decided to repost it here. Hope you enjoy

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Got a group of people together and ventured into theatre for the latest offering from Platinum Dunes, Nightmare on Elm Street. For me to do a typical “Mind-to-Mouth” review is virtually impossible (Ever try writing at a rapid pace while in the dark?), so I’ve instead collected some “Random Thoughts” on the film.

Yes, there will be spoilers as I mention exact things in the film.

Enjoy…or don’t. What do I care?

…

I actually care a lot. Please enjoy!

~ What happened to that third guy with Quentin & Jesse at the start?

~ That cake at the restaurant looks pretty darn good.

~ Who falls asleep at a FUNERAL...especially when you're in THE DAGGONE FRONT ROW!

~ I've seen things man. Bad things. Bad, bad things. Dude. Whatever.

~ LOUD NOISE!

~ "Why are you screaming, I haven't even cut you, yet." is the best line from the trailer, but in the movie, the "We've got 6 more minutes to play..." was a top line.

~ I'm guessing that Jesse's cellmate only had two days until release. Poor guy. He's the true victim.

~ Stop lying! I'm not lying! Stop lying! I'm not lying! STOP LYING! I'M NOT LYING!"

~ How awkward was it that Nancy was crossing out the faces of the dead people? Their names are on the back. Just mark those off, you dope.

~ EXTREME CLOSE-UP!

~ Speaking of awkward, nothing like seeing a murderous "flashback" while in a speedo. Although, having a burning man running at you full steam is rather amusing. And by amusing, I mean I had to stifle laughter.

~ Who posted that VLog?!

~ You are experiencing random sleep that you can’t control. You have decided you need to get to a certain area in order to stop the killer…so why do you detour to a pharmacy…and then leave the other person with you…ALONE IN THE CAR!

~ She burns herself while already awake…and then promptly has another micronap scene. Good job, Nancy.

~ Micronaps are always possible...unless the plot needs to develop without Freddy around.

~ Some of the drawings from Nancy’s room are also in Freddy’s “cave.” Is that supposed to be her “seeing” things in the dream and copying them (extremely accurately) or were the set designers just lazy?

~ LOUD NOISE AND EXTREME CLOSE-UP!!!

~ So the one girl gets tossed around like crazy while Freddy tortures her, but Nancy stays in place during her dream battle with him tossing her into walls?

~ Heavy dose of adrenaline to the heart?! Boom, it explodes, movie over!

~ Why is Freddy so daggone powerful OUTSIDE of the dream realm? Shouldn't he be more human since he's in the real world? He chucks Quentin with absolute ease.

~ The ending didn't really pack much of a punch. Kind of lame in my eyes…

~ Did they explain HOW Freddy became a Dream Stalker? "Just cause" isn't much of a reason. Yes, I know he got power since he was remembered...but I'm pretty sure that doesn't typically happen with deceased killers.

~ If it is a reboot, then why are you relying on people knowing certain things from the original? Like where the finger blades come from. Or why Freddy likes using a furnace room.

Overall…

Meh. Is it darker than the later Nightmare films? Yeah. But even with an “unforgiving” step into the shadows, it still doesn’t really hit the mark. No legitimate scares and at least 20 Jump Scares that produce no tension and only provide a momentary discomfort to the audience’s ears. A complete disappointment to me.
~
SCORE: 1 Out of 5
That single point is for you Jackie Earle Haley. Nice try as Freddy.

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Pretty sure since posting this back then that I've mellowed slightly on the movie. Not too much, though. I'd still rank it around 1.5/5 (or 3 out of 10 to avoid decimals).

Direct To Text Reviews: 4/10/2011

Hello valued reader(s),

Sometimes I see Straight to DVD movies out of curiosity thinking that I can use them for later Disturbingly Cheap reviews. Sometimes I'm wrong.

Still, because this blog could use an update or two from time to time, I've decided that when this happens, I'll give some quick thoughts in written form. Since I've already taken up too much time explaining this, let's jump into the reviews.

UNTHINKABLE
Stars: Samuel L. Jackson, Carrie Anne-Moss, Michael Sheen

Plot: A black-ops interrogator and an FBI agent press a suspect terrorist in attempts to coerce him into revealing the location of three nuclear weapons sets to detonate in the U.S.

Review: A movie that was destined for theatrical release until the company funding said release went bankrupt, Unthinkable is an outstanding and thought provoking film. A rare movie where Samuel L. Jackson disappears into the character he's playing as the story evolves. Carrie Anne-Moss is wonderful as the film's moral compass while Michael Sheen is absolutely amazing as the terrorist Steven Younger (AKA Yusuf). This film went on to win the Straight to DVD Awards' "Best Picture."

This movie flows like a rapid river, dragging you along for the ride. This is a definite recommendation as the film grabbed me and didn't let go until the very. last. second.

Grade: A+.
Why Not a DC Review: Seriously considered, but in the end, I wouldn't be able to do much with the pictures and there is a large part of me that just didn't want to spoil anything that happens.

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BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA 2
Stars: George Lopez, Ernie Hudson, Odette Yustman

That's an insanely quick change in tone, huh?

Plot: Just married, Papi and Chloe are trying to keep up with their five puppies. When the dogs discover that their caretaker's family is struggling to pay the mortgage (and are making bank plans selling their home) they (along with other friendly dogs) decide to compete in a dog show in order to win a large cash prize and save the house.

Review: It's a cheesy family film packed with plenty of puppies doing cute things and silly jokes. The movie caught me off guard with some decent humor in spots (although there were some cringe inducers as well). And I'll even say the unique twist near the end is nice enough. Lopez's voice does get on my nerves after a while, though.

Oh, and apparently French Stewart is still around as he appears for a very small role here. You know. French Stewart. The guy from 3rd Rock From the Sun that wasn't in Cliffhanger or Inception...no, not the fat one. You know. The guy who played INSPECTOR GADGET!...In the Direct to Video sequel. Maybe you know him as MARV from Home Alone...4. Okay. Never mind.

$Texas.

Grade: B-. It does what it needs to do (which is usually a C) and also made me laugh a few times (which bumped it up a little). Also, puppies are cute. Good enough for me.
Why Not a DC Review: I can't draw dogs. I just...can't.

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VICTIM

""Stars"": Stephen Weigand, Bob Bancroft, Brendan Kelly

Plot: A young man finds himself held captive by a mysterious doctor and his brutish henchman. Informed that "You are no longer you," his fingerprints are burned off, and he (and the audience) is subjected to torture. It's all leading up to the big reveal of why the doctor is doing what he's doing. And...it's stupid.

Review: It may have spilled into the plot part. I hate this movie.

Apparently, it has become commonplace to come up with the idea that "If you can disgust an audience, it must also be disturbing, and thus is a Horror movie." Gain the reputation. Cash in on the morbid curiosity. This movie is not good in any way. The acting. The plot. The gore. The script. The twist. The characters. The film. The catering probably sucked, too.

I cannot find any possible reason to recommend it. If you read this and for some reason feel you have to see it...go right ahead. I don't care. Because this bit of review writing is helping me purge it from my system so I never have to think about it ever again.

Grade: F. I'll say it over and over. I'm tired of this "Disgust the audience and call it Horror" junk. This movie seems to hide behind it's "twist" as a great and riveting moment but it does nothing to save the junk provided. Junk. Junk. CRAP.
Why not a DC Review: Couple of reasons. I don't want to be an "angry reviewer" who rants on everything and this is the kind of movie that would warrant that behavior. You may have noticed not much logical thought in the section marked "review" and the video would've had even less. With all due respect to the people who worked hard in every aspect to get this film created...sorry, but I despise it.
Also, because I doubt as many people will see this blog as would the review and I just wanted to rant on it without really peaking interest in it. Do. No. Watch. This. Piece. Of. Crap.

...

And with that variety of films, I'm calling this a blog (Hi, Blog) and wishing all that read it a nice day.

Until Next Time...Seriously. I can't draw dogs.

DC Reviews: The Marine 2

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The Direct to DVD sequel to the WWE Studios production that only made profit on DVD. Makes sense to me. Is it any good?
Apologies for sound problems as I'm in the middle of getting a new microphone.